12 Mistakes Parents Make When Enrolling Their Child In Music Lessons-And How to Avoid Them
Messy practice room.
My name is Jake McHugh and I am a piano teacher in Chesterfield/Midlothian VA who specializes in thorough and proper classical music lessons. I work with over 40 piano/upright bass students a week and have a degree in music performance from Shenandoah Conservatory.
Having instructed lessons in over 100 homes, I have seen both successful students and unsuccessful ones. So, to help your child, I put together this article going over some of the most common mistakes I see families make when enrolling their child in music lessons.
It is vital when beginning to play an instrument that it is approached with the same amount of dedication as any other worthwhile academic pursuit (like science, english, history, etc.). The good news is that even if you have never learned an instrument yourself, all of these things can be addressed by a non-musical family member.
They hire an Unqualified Instructor
The first mistake families make is that they only choose their teacher’s instructor based on convenience. Often it is the first person referred to a family by a friend, without any idea whether or not this teacher is competent. They do not consider the quality of education their child might receive with this particular instructor. Here are some good questions you should ask:
Are you impressed by the instructor’s own playing?
How about by the results that other students have gotten?
How many students do you teach per week?
Is this your part time or full time job?
What is your goal when working with a student?
These questions will help you see more context about their teaching background. It is relevant to know how many students they have because often if they are struggling to find a studio worth of students, there is a reason why.
You want to find a teacher who can effectively address all issues with a thoughtful method. A qualified teacher will be able to teach you and your child about reading music notation, setup adjustments, height, curved fingers, etc.
Another important must-have: You also want a teacher who will allow you to supervise the lesson. It is not uncommon for an instructor to ask the parent leave during the lesson, but this is an inappropriate request. In what other circumstance would you be comfortable for a new adult to specifically request to be alone with your kids?
2. They are an Unengaged/Uninvolved Parent
Many parents enroll their child into music lessons and then do not have any clue how their child is progressing. They neither watch their child’s lessons nor do they help them practice. Both parents should be involved enough to know 1) What happened in their child’s most recent lesson, 2) what they are practicing, and 3) what they are learning.
Pinnacle Music House believes that at least one parent should be supervising every single lesson. When they are watching, they should pay attention and take notes, not play on their phone. Phones are okay for taking videos or photos, but that’s it.
Additionally, both parents should come to every performance a child may have. This will motivate the student because most children want to please and impress their parents.
3. They Make Practice a Punishment
Many parents who mean well will turn their child’s practice into a punishment and a chore. These parents enroll their child in music lessons and then wonder why they quickly learn to hate practicing music.
Why? Their practice time looks something like this:
Mom/Dad instructs their young child sit at their instrument alone until their timer goes off. How fun for your child: a daily time out + a BRAND NEW chore all in one!
Instead of doing this, it’s best to turn practice into a fun quality time between the young child and the parent where a parent sits with their child during their practice and turns each activity into a fun game for them. Then when they do well, offer them immediate positive reinforcement and maybe even a reward.
Yelling at their child for losing focus or playing notes incorrectly. Both losing focus and playing wrong notes are normal for young beginners. Lack of focus is typically caused by boring practice times, or parents/teachers talking way too long to a young child who is growing up with quick flashy video and games.
Telling their child that learning an instrument is really hard. Starting any child on a new skill with preset limiting beliefs is a mistake. I’ve seen many parents give their child a lecture in their first lesson about how learning an instrument is going to be “a lot of hard work”, where Pinnacle Music House teaches children that learning an instrument is easy! This is because when approached correctly, starting an instrument can be easy and saying so prevents the child from giving up due to externally imposed limiting beliefs.
Bottom line - Negative reinforcement incorporated into the study of the instrument will risk that your child hates learning music. Children are very sensitive to negative reinforcement/punishment.
4. Lack of Musical Exposure
Many students struggle to play music because they are not exposed to music. Do you take your child to live musical events? Do you sing daily both with and to your child? Do you play music in the background of your home/car during the day? Do you spend time watching cool music videos and performances on YouTube with them? If not, this is a great thing to start doing as you start thinking of enrolling your child in music lessons.
If you need help finding music to expose your child to, we’ve made an awesome playlist of classical piano works to play for your child. If you want this, fill out the form below and we’ll give you access for free!
5. Environmental Issues
What environment would you want to be in while focusing on an engaging task such as learning the piano? Let’s think of it a different way: How would you set up an ideal home office? Would it be messy, loud, and full of distraction? Or would it be tidy, simple, and quiet? Here are some things to setup for your child’s practice space:
A clutter-free and clean practice space
Messiness around their practice space can be a huge distraction to children when they need to practice. Especially when it is so messy that it is hard to walk to the instrument itself. We want to remove all friction between the environment and your child sitting down to play their instrument. Your child shouldn’t need to go through an obstacle course to sit at their instrument.
Bright and warm lighting
Some parents choose lighting in their homes that makes it hard to see sheet music clearly. Often times music notes are written smaller than text, so having abundant light is a must. There are both piano lights and music stand lights to purchase if your home is particularly dark. Also, it’s helpful to know that many children show signs of seeing difficulties during their musical studies without being diagnosed yet by the eye doctor. My bass teacher was actually the first one to notice that I needed glasses at 15, and she was right! (Seeing difficulties might reveal themselves through squinting, putting their head up right to the page to see the notes, etc.). These seeing challenges are made worse in low-light environments.
A relatively quiet area to focus in
Loud TV’s/Dogs/People in the area of practice for your child will ensure distraction. Place their practice space in an area that can be kept quieter if possible. If not, aim to have practice time during a quiet and calm time of day.
Basic School Supplies
Make sure your child has 2+ pencils with erasers in their practice space so they can mark their music. Also have some sort of notepad they can write in if they choose. Note: Pinnacle Music House bans pen markings because professional musicians traditionally use pencils since they are not permanent.
A Great Instrument
Learning an instrument in a fun and serious way requires financial investment. If you want advice to find a great piano/keyboard, click here
If you want to see if your home is set up properly for practice, email us/fill out the form below and we’ll provide a free checklist to make sure you can keep it setup for years to come.
6. No Practice Routine
Many parents do not enforce a practice routine with their child. Establishing a practice routine with clear expectations is an easy way to make practice go smoothly since your child knows when they will need to sit down for practice. Pinnacle Music House recommends that children do most of their practice after school and before homework. This is to ensure that is not put off until later. Always remember Parkinson’s Law: tasks expand to fill the time available. Ultimately the responsibility of establishing a consistent practice routine is always the responsibility of the parent.
Other practice tips:
For normal weeks: Practice 7 days a week, including the day of the lesson. For chaotic weeks: Get practice in when you can. Try to never have a week with less than 7 days of practice barring either an emergency, sickness, or an out of town experience.
Break practice up into multiple short daily sessions for hyper or distracted kids. Example: 1 session before school, 1 after school, and 1 after dinner.
More Chaotic week tips: Get in as much practice as you can. getting in short practice bursts between other activities is a great way for your child to make great progress on their instrument.
About successful practice routines: The most successful routines are established by tying the new desired routine to an already existing task. This is another reason why we recommend students do their practice after school. Completing school can function as a reminder to begin studying piano.
7. Time Based Practice Goals
Most parents instruct their children to complete a certain amount of practice time every day. This is unnecessary. Instead, set practice goals that require them to progress. Example: Practice is complete when you play line one of a certain assignment perfectly 5 times.
To help your child feel their progress on their instrument, we’ve developed a cool print out that will allow your child to track their progress and level up each of their assignments every day. If you are interested, fill out the form below and we’ll give you access to this “level-up” printout for free.
8. Unclear Expectations
Some parents flip-flop between whether or not lessons are a requirement. Some even flip-flop between lessons being a requirement and threatening their child that if they don’t do better, they will stop their lessons. This is not a clear way to set expectations with your child, and also gives them stress as many children develop a bond/relationship with their teacher or music school.
Instead, it’s best to enroll your child in lessons with clear expectations from the beginning. Pinnacle Music House is in support of the idea that most children should be required to study music because of the many benefits it gives, but it must be presented in a reasonable way to the child.
Whether it is the parent’s idea or the child’s, the lessons should be presented as a commitment similar to their academics. Meaning that they cannot quit on their own accord once enrolled. This is because children cannot always see what result they are working towards, nor do they see what they are forfeiting when they quit. They don’t see the generational skill they will be able to share for the rest of their life, the decades of relaxation they will have by sitting down in the quiet and playing their favorite Bach piece, the joy they will bring others by their beautiful playing, and much more.
It is important to note that there are times where it may be best to withdraw your child from music lessons, however this is best thought through between the parents and teacher with final decision made by the parent.
Another reason parents might be sending mixed signals to their child is if their parents are not in agreement in what their child’s music education should look like prior to enrollment in lessons. Before signing up, you and your spouse should sit down and discuss how you want your child’s lessons to go. I would not find a teacher until you both are in general agreement about your child being in music lessons and your goals for them to be in lessons. Take your time and be sure about your decision.
9. Misunderstanding Focus Struggles or confusion as Disobedience
Sometimes children act out in unexpected ways when they are beginning to lose focus or if they are confused as to what to do. The solution to this is to guide them through the activity they need to do one tiny step at a time. Example: Your child is running around like a maniac and unwilling to sit at the piano. You think it’s because they are just wanting to cause needless trouble, but instead they are acting this way because they are unable to maturely express that they don’t know how to do what has been asked of them. In most cases, the most effective correction for this is not negative reinforcement (Like yelling, discipline, etc.), but is instead to direct them at one thing at a time. “Sally, come sit down on the piano bench. Now look at your music. Where do your hands go?” Etc. Walking them through often gets them fully back on track without much trouble.
It is also helpful to be aware that kids often run out of steam before adults do, and knowing when that point comes for your child is valuable. Most people have a point where they cannot focus no matter what is done because their brain is fried. At this point, ending the time at their instrument is probably most appropriate. This would be a good time for them to rest.
10. Lack of Incentive
An easy way to make lessons more fun for your child is to offer very simple incentives for them. Example: If they do well on their practice time, they can get extra time to watch a show with family, to play on their electronics, a dessert, etc. Doing this will allow your child to associate learning their instrument with other positive things they enjoy. If you fill out our form below, we’ll send a list of positive rewards ideas you may use for your child.
11. Training not customized for your particular child
While Pinnacle Music House believes in standardized curriculums for all children, we believe that those curriculum’s should be taught in a way that is appropriate for the child that they are instructing. Practically, this means that the teacher should be willing to function as a bit of an “actor” when instructing your child: Matching energy and meeting them where they are.
For energetic kids, this could look like:
Excited teaching.
Lot’s of time moving around during non-playing activities.
Joking around.
Extra games.
Less time sitting quietly and being serious.
For quieter kids, this could look like:
More chill teaching.
More time sitting together focusing on the playing of the instrument.
More sensitivity to joking around. (Sometimes quieter kids don’t like joking as much).
How to help your teacher:
Don’t hesitate to share with your teacher about learning differences your child may have. Informing your instructor that your child might have ADHD/Autism, etc. or even symptoms will help them to prepare better for teaching your child.
Also note:
Parents can help their child by matching their mood too. If you are a louder person like myself, but have a quieter kid, tone it down for them when trying to do activities together so that you are not a distraction for them.
12. No Musical Community
Many children love public school band & orchestra programs because they feel like they have found a sense of community among the students in the music program. That was me when I was starting middle school, I loved being in orchestra class and wanted to push myself to be the best in my section. If your child has no chance to connect to other kids that play music like them, they might be missing out on some much-needed community. Allowing children to bond over music will allow them to be more motivated to persevere as they want to continue growing closer to other kids who do the same activities. Musical community can also encourage a discouraged student when that they see they are progressing at a fair speed, or motivate a student who could be working harder.
Even without the public school programs, musical community is possible through teachers scheduling group studio sessions, recitals, and more. Another way parents can provide this community experience is by enrolling their child in a program (like a summer program) that allows them to play in small ensembles with kids that are close to their age.
Conclusion
If you want your child to succeed in their music lessons, avoid these common mistakes. Work hard with a teacher to get the most out of your lessons. Most students that don’t continue in music lessons give up because expectations are unclear when they sign up. Many things that music teachers think should be common sense are not. So don’t be afraid to ask basic questions to your instructor. Music education is an investment. The more seriously you take it, the more rewarding it will be for your child.
Want access to our free resources? Fill out the form below and you’ll get:
Our piano playlist so that your child can be exposed to awesome and inspiring works.
Our “Level-Up” Progress tracker, where you can track your child’s progress on an assignment in a fun and unique way.
Our Games & Incentives list to help you get ideas on how to make playing music more fun.
Our practice room checklist to ensure that your child gets started off the right way.
Are you In Chesterfield, VA? Get two more things…
A free piano or double bass lesson to see if you’d like to work with us!
A free practice-space assessment where we will look to see if your child has the ideal practice environment at home for lessons. We’ll look at all the details mentioned in this article and see if you have a space and plan that promotes success!